My Dear Lucas,
I know you are still too tiny to read this or even understand all of what mommy’s gonna say but I decided to write to you anyway because I wanted you to know how special you are to me and your daddy.
We have not met each other yet but one thing’s for sure—your daddy and I fell in love with you even before you came into our lives. You see, we wanted to build a beautiful family so we prayed hard for a baby. When we learned we are going to have you, we were beyond happy.
During the course of my pregnancy, I must say I have learned a lot. I learned selflessness and how sacrificing for someone you love deeply can be very rewarding. I thought I already knew how to love but I never understood what true love is until now that I am willing to give up everything for you. I thought I valued my family but I never really cared this much for a family especially my mother until you came. You taught me all that, and for that, I thank you.
In the first three months that I carried you, I was almost always sick—I would throw up nearly everything that I eat or drink, even water. I always felt like I didn’t want to get out of the bed at all because I was always tired. In most mornings, I would feel as if I didn’t sleep at all. I was that exhausted, and work made it worse. I worked 40-50 hours a week, sometimes even more. I had to work until midnight because that’s when my shift would end. While I was struggling, your daddy was too. He would go to work every morning but before leaving the house, he would prepare food for me and he’d make sure I had everything I need first. It was hard for him to leave me but he didn’t have any choice. Then from work, he would go home with all sorts of food for me. Sometimes he would buy, but most of the time, he would cook for me. He did all the physical work in his business and at home all while taking care of me, so he too was tired. On my sixth month, I began to feel back pains which made me uncomfortable sitting, walking, and even sleeping.
Aside from morning sickness and other weird things that happened to my body while expecting you, I also have a serious kidney condition making both of us high risk. The doctors said there is a chance I might deliver pre-term or worse, lose you because of this. That’s why daddy and I are making sure you and I get the best medical attention. Aside from the pills that I take, he and I would visit the hospital thrice a month or even more for consultation and lab works. Monthly, I would pee in a cup and the lab staff would extract blood from me which they would put in three tubes the size of daddy’s index finger.
Although things haven’t been easy for both us, all the pain would go away every time we feel you in my tummy. We would smile and most of the time laugh whenever we feel your summersaults, tiny jabs and kicks that get stronger each week. You are truly our source of joy and strength. You are special. You are priceless. And we wouldn’t trade you for anything else in this world.
Today, I continue to pray for a healthy and normal pregnancy and post-pregnancy and that you come out into this world without complications. Remember son, you don’t owe us anything but you owe Him everything so I pray that you grow up to become God-fearing, kind, loving, compassionate, obedient, generous and humble. I pray that your daddy and I become good parents to you—that we may be able to provide more than enough for you, that we become role models to you not because we want you to look up to us but so we will look up to you and be proud of the person you will become someday.
I love you so much, son. You are my life, my world, my everything.